October 28th, 2022 was a miraculous day. After so many years of waiting, speculating cancellation, and periods of total silence from Platinum Games, Bayonetta 3 was finally released. I was beside myself with anticipation, furiously refreshing my eShop connection to open the game when it wasn’t available at exactly 12:00am ET. I had taken time off for the launch and since it was a Friday, well that meant that I could play the game almost non-stop for the next 96 hours. It would be an incredible, nay, magical experience. I had everything planned out with a helpful numbered list:
- Play the campaign on Normal to take in the sights and learn the new mechanics.
- Head to the training mode to lab all the weapons and enemies until I found my ideal configuration.
- Playthrough again on Expert to chase the Pure Platinum dragon.
- Repeat step 3 until Pure Platinum was achieved on every stage.
- Try not to destroy my hands or Pro Controller.
- Grind my soul against the wall that is Non-Stop Umbran Climax.
My plan was perfect. With body and mind in peak condition I set out on my journey, for I was ready.
By the time October 31st rolled around, I would have only accomplished the first goal.
Bayonetta 3 is a very uneven experience, hell it’s downright broken in some areas. Performance can be improved and bugs can be ironed out with some patches but there is no way to fix everything that is wrong with this game. It has some excellent ideas, an impeccable soundtrack, and the best array of weapons the franchise has to offer. However, for every hit there are at least two whiffs and those whiffs tank the experience so hard. I’m going to detail everything that is wrong with Bayonetta 3 but first, I have to tell you a story.
When Bayonetta was my best friend…
When it comes to video games, I have been playing them almost as long as I have been alive. Some of my earliest memories are of failing to clear the Deku Tree in Ocarina of Time and scraping my palms raw on that damn N64 analog stick. Despite that time spent gaming, I would’ve never thought of myself as an actual gamer. I started playing them to emulate my older brother since I thought he was cool and that maybe gaming would make me cool too. After he eventually moved out, I kept gaming because I preferred solitude and it was a great way to get others to leave me alone. Video games were fun, sure, but I thought of them the same way I would a book or movie. They were something to be consumed and then moved on from; a liminal experience from menu screen to ending credits. I could never imagine wanting to “master” a single player title because there were simply other things to do. Bayonetta changed my mind about that. Bayonetta changed my mind about a lot of things but I’m getting a head of myself.
I think we can now all agree that 2009 was a hallmark year, not just for the 7th gen but for video games in general. Us Batman die-hards finally got a game worth playing in Arkham Asylum, the looter shooter trend was kicking off with Borderlands, and my favorite game of all time (Dragon Age: Origins) would release that November. It was rough getting there but it finally felt like the PS360 era was hitting it’s stride. 2009 was also a big year for one baby-face high school sophomore (me) because this was the year I got a PS3.
Now the digital storefront on consoles was very much in its infancy at this time. The PS Store was a slow, unresponsive, pain in the ass catalog to navigate and I wouldn’t even know what Steam was until 5 years later. To top it off, it never occurred to me that I could look up games online rather than paying for a subscription to Game Informer. I’m telling you all of this so that you can understand how I bought video games at the time. I would go to my local GameStop, look for a cool cover on shelves, maybe ask the staff about it, and make my purchases with no additional information. Which is how, one fateful December afternoon during winter break, I would be leaving GameStop with the PS3 version of Bayonetta in my hands.
I saw the ending credits 16 times before spring semester started.
From the moment the game disc spun up, Bayonetta felt different from everything prior. It’s opening cutscene awash with sepia as film reels spin in the background. The sensual, sleek, and ever so slightly demonic title font as the name “Bayonetta” is gently whispered like a secret between you and the game. I had yet to even press a button and I was already swept up by the experience. It’s a first impression that exudes an overwhelming sense of style soon to be completely outdone by the appearance of the witch herself.
I could go on at this level of detail for the next several days, maybe one day I will, but suffice it to say I was in love with this video game. I was also excruciatingly bad at it. Using items, dying, and typically taking home stone trophies for most of the chapters. I didn’t have what it took to excel at Bayonetta and that wouldn’t normally be a problem. Given my history of finishing games and moving on to something else, my time with Bayonetta should’ve ended right when the credits were finished scrolling. If it wasn’t obvious from reading this essay, that isn’t what happened.
I couldn’t stop thinking about the game or Bayonetta herself. She was so confident in the cutscenes, about as far away from my performance as possible. I knew that a pure platinum run was the answer because she was an untouchable queen and here I was making her look bad. I didn’t know what to do and I could feel it killing my soul. If Bayonetta could see me like this, she would be disgusted and probably spit on me but not in a fun way. It was in my darkest moments that I realized the answer was right in front of me the entire time. Bayonetta had been trying to tell me but I wasn’t listening. I couldn’t become Bayonetta because I hadn’t accepted the fact that I was already Luka.
Ogling her from the sidelines, not knowing shit about perfume, and generally failing in every attempt to impress Bayonetta; Luka could best be described as a horny nerd failing to keep up. The game, and by extension Bayonetta, saw right through me.
I hated it.
I didn’t want to be Luka because he was lame and I wanted to be cool. Was it actually possible for me? If so, how? Just like before, Bayonetta had the answer but only if I was willing to listen.
The thing is, Bayonetta is better than all of us. Not because she tries to be, simply because she is. However, she believes that we can make it to the top as well with some guidance and willpower. Bayonetta plays along with Luka’s corny pick-up lines, the same way that she does with our incompetence at killing angels. Bayonetta doesn’t get hit, she doesn’t die, use items, and she never drops a combo. Those things happen to us but since Bayonetta cares, she pretends it happened to her. She trusts us to do better once we have a little bit of confidence. Everyone should be so lucky to have a friend that builds them up.
This is all to say that I liked the first game a whole lot. The gameplay is functionally perfect and exists in a league of its own to this day. The cast is a lovable bunch of crazy people and I want to party with them. The presentation is so confident that I imagine Team Little Angels wore sunglasses throughout the game’s development. Most importantly, Bayonetta herself is a legendary character that took over the gaming zeitgeist the moment she stepped onto the stage with her .45 caliber heels.
Bayonetta 3 has none of those qualities and with story time finally over, we should probably start talking about that.
Bayonetta 3 is here, and I’m very not happy…
Things are wrong from the outset. The title screen has replaced the sexy logo text with some font that looks like a placeholder. No longer is the screen draped in a curtain of color, as if a show were about to begin. We instead are treated to some fairly unflattering 3D models of the demons that appear in game. It’s as if I am being mentally primed to lower my expectations as Bayonetta is taking a back-seat to her cadre of demonic pals. Things do not improve with the opening cinematic.
I’m not usually someone that cares much about graphical fidelity as long as a title has solid art direction but it is so distracting here. The seams in assets, the desperate need for anti-aliasing, and the low resolution combined with inadequate polygon count results in some busted visuals. I was hoping for a bit of progress in the 13 years since the first game released. Below is a gallery of some of my “favorite” images in the opening.
I want to say that I know this game wouldn’t exist without Nintendo and it has to be on their hardware. I get that but the Switch can barely hold itself together with just the cutscenes, let alone when the game actually starts.
There’s something I would like to clear up because I’ve heard from a lot of people that Bayonetta 3 runs at 60fps. That is measurably not true. Bayonetta 3 “targets” 60fps, it just rarely ever gets there. There is not an encounter in this game that runs well and it is a remarkably unstable experience. That instability is a big problem because it introduces a level of variance the player can’t account for when chasing pure platinum status. As we know from story time, a pure platinum playthrough, is a canonical one. Platinum would’ve been better off lowering the resolution even further or capping the game at 45-50fps. It’s not like the visuals we got were worth the trade off.
The limitations of the hardware are abundantly clear at all times. The game looks bad and it runs worse. However, the level and environmental design in Bayonetta 3 it the Switch’s biggest victim.
Stripped to the studs, you could describe the levels in the Bayonetta games as a “series of hallways that lead to arenas.” There are some secret verses spread around and occasionally you fight in/run from the hallways. Most of the time, however, you fight at point A then travel to a different fight at point B. The first game obfuscates this fact by having interesting levels. Vigrid is a very cool place with an otherworldly design that matches the angel’s aesthetic. It’s not a place that could ever exist but the location is engaging in a way that exploration feels natural. “What’s down that alleyway? Can I get to that balcony?” These are the questions that I would be asking while playing the original Bayonetta.
The questions I asked while playing Bayonetta 3 were: “Where the hell am I? Why are these levels so giant and empty?” Exploration feels alien. Instead of exploring, I’m just impersonating a lawnmower to cover every square inch of the map. The hallway to arena façade that I just invented last paragraph is completely shattered by the bland and sparse environments. Every level is giant so we can summon our demon kaiju but they’re also eerily vacant. Singularity might be wiping out all life in each dimension but it really feels like someone already beat him to it. Speaking of Singularity, now is probably as good a time as any to start talking about the story. Really wish I didn’t have to though.
“Who plays Bayonetta for the story?”
It really rubs me the wrong way how certain people online use this question as if it were some sort of magic shield that can deflect all criticism. The answer to that question is: Me. The person writing this essay. I do. And based on the reaction from fans, so do a lot of other people. A bit of advice for anyone that asks this question; if your best defense for bad writing is that it doesn’t bother you? Maybe next time consider saying nothing. It’s just so goofy to watch people proudly declare that they can ignore such a massive chunk of the experience. They talk about it as if it’s a super-power. Made all the more hilarious by the fact that most of them don’t seem to know what a story actually is.
A story is not just the plot; much in the same way that a sandwich is not just bread. Stories are also made up of: settings, characters, and themes. The plot gets all the focus because it is the easiest thing for an audience to identify. It’s simple to point at a specific event and say, “That was dumb” and then not have to think any harder about it. To those people I offer a concession: the plot of the entire Bayonetta franchise is stupid. However, the rest of the story in the first game is excellent. I’ve already talked about Vigrid as a location so I instead want to focus on Bayonetta as a character.
Make no mistake, Bayonetta herself is an incredible character and no other game really has anyone equivalent to her. Not just separated from the more standard male lead franchises, Bayonetta also stands a part from her fellow female heroines. It all comes down to her characterization. Bayonetta is: hyper feminine, extremely sensual, and overtly sexual. Despite how much the camera likes to focus on her ass, her sexuality is never objectified as Bayonetta already has complete ownership of it. Her sexuality exists for her own self-gratification and most importantly, you don’t get to have any of it. She’s a playful dominatrix. You can look but don’t touch and be grateful that you even get to breathe the same air as her. She possesses an other-worldly level of coolness that we don’t even question because she wears it so naturally. This mix results in a complex character that enamors the audience. She’s someone we can look up to, someone we can aspire to be like, someone that can teach us something about ourselves. This is why I believe that Bayonetta the character, moreso than Bayonetta the game, is why this franchise has so many die-hard fans.
Real shame they had to go and fuck it all up.
Bayonetta 3 is a betrayal…
There’s a question that I want you to think about. Why is Bayonetta doing what she is doing in each of the three games? Or put another way, what are her motivations? We can loosely sum each game up as follows:
- Bayonetta 1 – Bayonetta is searching for clues about her past while hunting down information on the Eyes of the World. This is a journey of self discovery.
- Bayonetta 2 – Bayonetta is on a mission to rescue Jeanne’s soul from hell after she loses control of her demons. This is a journey to protect her loved ones.
- Bayonetta 3 – Bayonetta is on a mission to save the multiverse because someone she has never met has told her about a threat she has never heard of but that only she can stop. This is a journey at the behest of someone else.
This small change in framing has a profound effect on the third game’s story. Bayonetta has gone from being a character with agency, to being a reactionary.
Reactionary characters are very efficient shorthand in writing because you no longer need a reason for your protagonist to be in the story. It doesn’t matter why the character is here, they exist because the narrative needs them to. Motivations, backstories, and relationships can all be safely ignored as the main character fills whatever role is required of them at the time. The downside is that the efficiency of a reactionary also results in a character without much depth. This isn’t inherently a bad thing depending on the story being told but in the case of Bayonetta, it’s a disaster. When robbed of her agency and complexity, Bayonetta is left only as eye candy to wink at the audience. Without the character to prop up the story we are left with a setting that sucks and a plot that is dumb. If that was everything then I could still enjoy Bayonetta 3 as a mindless romp through the multiverse. Sadly, the game’s theme is so insulting that it inspired this entire essay; as we exchange our platinum ticket to face gaming’s true final boss: heteronormativity.
Spoiler warning I guess…
Platinum Games have repeatedly gone on recorded saying that no one at Nintendo pressured them into making Bayonetta less provocative. If that is true then I really want to know who it is at Platinum that hates her so much. Someone, probably Kamiya based on the credits, decided gaming’s most confident woman was actually an indecisive, simpering loser desperate for a man’s attention. It is a catastrophic heel turn from nowhere made so much worse by the fact that it is for Luka. If you came here for rage, you’re about to get rage.
Luka, dipshit Luka, perennial fuck-up and impotent horny man-child himself: fucking Luka. Some people argue that their relationship has been hinted at since the first game and I reject that on principle. If you watched those scenes and didn’t realize that Bayonetta was screwing with him, then I cannot help you as you cannot tell subtext from text. I’m even going to ignore the massive plot hole that, since this Bayonetta was never sealed in a coffin, Luka would have no idea who she is. Just goes to show that it’s nonsense no matter what angle you look at it from. And it gets worse because Luka isn’t just Bayonetta’s “true love,” he’s the second most important person in reality now.
Luka has always just been some guy. No magic, no powers. Just a dude with a grappling hook and a propensity for getting in over his head. He fulfills the roles of plot device and audience surrogate for an armada of horny gamers. The fact that he’s a normie is actually extremely important to his function as a mirror for the player. To briefly mention Devil May Cry: we’re not Dante, kicking ass and eating pizza; we’re Luka, failing to impress women and getting our heads stuck in pottery. Through Luka’s growth as a character, we also come to respect Bayonetta as a person rather than as a piece of ass to chase. We see how badly he fails only to realize that’s exactly what would happen to us. We can’t be Bayonetta, because we haven’t accepted that we’re already Luka.
Bayonetta 3 takes all of this character development and catharsis, and throws it into the fucking sun.
I’ve got some bad news in case you were thinking that this particular timeline could be ignored. The game makes it clear from the first level that everything you liked about the previous Bayonetta is wrong. It’s postulated by the opening monologue that if you layer enough realities on top of each other, you will eventually discover a fundamental truth about how reality is meant to work. That fundamental truth being that Bayonetta and Luka are destined to be together. Any reality in which they aren’t is invalid. Why has this been done to us? Well that’s so we could have goddamn Viola.
#NotMyBayonetta…
I didn’t want it to be like this. Viola got so much hate the moment she was revealed as being part of the game. I was predisposed to liking her because I knew saying so would send people into a frothing rage and that is fun to watch. The hatred around her is largely homophobic, transphobic, and sexist. The anti-SJW crowd was dusting off all the classic screeds to let everyone else know that Viola was coming to take your video games away. I hate agreeing with those kind of people about anything but there’s no way around it. Viola sucks.
On paper, Viola sounds like a total slam dunk. She’s a punk rock pixie with a flaming katana the summons the coolest cat of all time. As an Umbran Witch in training she could’ve learned everything about killing angels from Bayonetta and Jeanne. She’s not as collected as either of those two characters because she doesn’t have the experience that they do. We could’ve watched her evolve from untested amateur to a battle-hardened badass able to give her mentors a run for their money. The standard shounen battle protagonist package. If any of this is ringing bells, it’s because she’s set-up to fill the same role as Nero in DMC. Considering they already had a template to copy, it’s actually impressive how badly they managed to screw it up.
Despite being the inciting force behind the events of the game, Viola experiences no growth as a character. Whoever wrote her seems to be under the impression that getting clothes is the same as having development. She starts out as a clumsy dork and ends as a clumsy dork with a scarf. She and Bayonetta barely speak to each other over the course of the game while Jeanne has been relegated to stealth puzzle arcade sequences. I don’t know what drove Platinum to bring this gang of witches together and then not have them interact. By the time the super secret post-credits scene comes around and Viola is dubbed “Bayonetta” by Rodin, my eyes had already rolled out of my head.
Viola is Nero if his place among the devil hunters was never earned. DMC5 sees the boys get together one last time to save the world from a monster that only they can stop. We see Nero humbled in the opening and struggle to achieve his true potential. When he activates his Devil Trigger to stop Vergil and Dante from killing each other, I actually clapped. Nero is now poised to lead the franchise and the brothers get their swan song, finally reconciled and fighting hordes of devils in hell side-by-side. Viola goes through many of the same story beats but she’s never develops into anything beyond minor annoyance. Even her big “Save the Day” moment against the final boss is ruined for the sake of a gag. If Bayonetta’s character was assassinated, then Viola’s was smothered to death in the crib.
“So you just hated the whole thing?”
Not entirely. There are many things to like about Bayonetta 3 and it has some legitimately great ideas. Many of those great ideas are undercut by hardware limitations and questionable implementation. Below is a handy bulleted list for you to consult:
- The weapon selection and design is the best in the franchise. Really wish I could have more than two equipped without opening the menu.
- I like that Viola triggers her Witch Time with parries rather than dodges but hate that summoning Cheshire makes parries impossible.
- Bayonetta’s character design is incredible in every reality but the enemy design is the weakest in the series.
- Soundtrack is a banger but the audio mixing is surprising bad, especially on enemy attacks.
- Bayonetta 3 finally brings some great mini-game segments to the franchise, shame that so many of them suck though.
- The boss fights have some great spectacle moments but the use of dithering instead of alpha transparency creates a visual mess.
- Torture attacks only require a stun instead of full magic but they’re all visually lame.
- The game saves your best performance per verse but the timing requirement is too tight to allow for much player expression.
- You can now choose what segment of a level to start at but still have to confirm skipping cutscenes.
- Umbran Spear has been replaced with weapon specific animations but Breakdance has been removed from the game.
- Panther Within being replaced with demon forms is cool but I want to choose my form instead of it being tied to my weapon.
- The demon traversal levels are bad, nothing good here.
- The game’s theme color is purple, nothing bad here.
Where does this leave us?
In all honesty, I’m not too sure. Nintendo doesn’t provide sales data for the eShop but the physical sales are only slightly a head of Bayonetta 2. Despite the game being in the news almost non-stop before launch due to the actions of Hellena Taylor, this entry isn’t exactly smashing sales records. It seems to me that Bayonetta is propped up by a relatively modest sized fan base that loves the character enough to buy anything that includes her. The unceremonious death of both Jeanne and Bayonetta speaks to me of a developer that doesn’t really know what they’re own plans are. I’m not sure Platinum is willing to stick with Viola after the wave of fan backlash when their most accessible title doesn’t seem to be pulling in new players.
I don’t know where Bayonetta goes from here. They could just keep trucking along for the 9+ games Kamiya supposedly has in mind, it might be a soft cancellation while the team re-groups like with DMC4, or this could simply be the end. No matter what happens next, I for one will take solace in the knowledge that Luka is definitely in hell. At least that’s one thing to be happy about.